Never backwards always up…

Starting writing is always the hardest for me because it always starts with my scripted excuses of why I haven’t been doing it enough, thanking everyone for the constant ongoing support which I am still thriving off of and apologies for not getting back to as many of you as I wish I could… so now that that’s out of the way…

Life has been pretty damn good to me lately! I am truly blessed in every aspect of my life right now with Katrina, family, friends, work and our new puppy Quill… it’s all good! Every once in awhile when I take that much needed step back and soak it all in I don’t know how I came to be this blessed. January 11th was the two-year anniversary of breaking my neck and I thought I would be able to reflect at that point, May 7th was my two-year anniversary from leaving Craig Hospital and once again I thought I might be able to reflect on the past two years. I thought that writing everything down that happened to me in the past two years might have some sort of therapeutic advantage to my well-being but I found in my reflection process that internally I still have a lot of grieving going on for what I’ve gone through and put everyone I love through. It’s a really hard thing to explain and I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand, but in my shoes you can often feel like a burden on those around you and it’s a hard pill to swallow. Every time I say that to someone they say “Oh no you’re crazy you aren’t a burden to anyone”, and I know somewhere inside that they’re telling the truth but at the end of the day the feeling doesn’t go away. Going from being a strong independent young man, gallivanting all over the globe, not giving a shit about what lay around the corner or what I was leaving in my dust, to a somewhat helpless young man searching for what my real purpose in life is and trying to make sense of what I’ve learned thus far has been my life’s greatest challenge. I’m lucky I’ve got enough amazing people in my life to keep my head on straight and a great job that keeps me engaged and aspiring to accomplish more with my life because without that and without the freedom to run across town to meet up with a friend, go for a bike ride or run to let off some steam, do something spontaneous or even get in and out of bed on my own accord, I fear I would be groveling in my own self-pity. Thus far I’ve been able to chase away my sporadic onsets of depression brought on from the realization that spontaneity is hard to come by with the true gifts that I have surrounding me every day. I guess the moral of this rant is the thing I miss the most about my former body was the ability to be spontaneous and participate in the activities that I grew up loving. Now at the mention of going to see a concert, going out of town for business or friends getting together to skate, go to the mountain, play soccer or whatever… all that comes into my mind is the logistics involved if I even want to go and not necessarily participate. One of my friends asked me the other night what I’m doing to keep myself sane, what kind of activities do I have that help me relieve stress and get outside of the grind and have some fun…? Currently I’m short on answers.

I’m not sharing any of this because I want anyone’s pity or even advice for that matter. I’m just writing and this is what’s bubbling up. It’s hard not to be honest about yourself when you’re writing and I’ve always said that this is a form of self exploration so maybe the reason I decided to write here today is to stimulate some sort of ideas for myself that I can activate on so that I can actually feel like I’m having fun again. Don’t by any means take that as my life isn’t fun, I have plenty of laughs, I’m getting my sense of humor back as I feel more comfortable with new people and my reinvented life and being with Katrina and Quill are the happiest times of my life. I guess going from being an adrenaline junkie to sitting in a wheelchair it’s inevitable you have to slow down but when you’re slamming on the brakes the seat belt can get a bit uncomfortable. I know I’m going to find something that makes me fulfilled personally again and that time is eagerly anticipated. I’m glad I’m writing here today because it’s really inspiring me to get out there and find it… whatever it ends up being.

So enough about the void as it’s also important that I share with you the glass half full perspective. The mental growth and maturity that I’ve gained from the last two years is pretty insane when I really think about it. Imagine yourself sitting in a bathtub full of cement and that’s where you have to spend the majority of everyday… somehow I’m figuring out how to have patience with all the paralysis, spasticity, pain and helplessness that I feel when I am in my cement with no escape route in site. I have to be proud of myself for that because it even just saying it… reflecting on it… I’ve surprised myself with what I’ve been able to overcome and accomplish in my mind. I told Katrina the day she was driving me to the airport, also the last time she would see me walk, that I had always felt since I was a young kid that I was going to have to overcome something incredibly challenging in my life or that something big was going to happen to me… the day I came out of sedation in ICU I looked at her and mouthed “this is it”. I guess that feeling is what’s given me the strength to accept what’s happened to me and try and move forward with patience as though it had little effect. I’m glad that I can look back with no regrets and that I never wish to go back and change anything because despite everything that I miss… the mental growth is something that I would never give back.

I’ve had a really hard time with people telling me what I’m going through is “inspiring”. I think the reason for this is that even though they are doubting their own ability to go through this type of situation somehow I take it as an insult that it wouldn’t be the expectation of me to not skip a beat. Feels like people may not really know me as well as I’d like. I look at other people’s lives and all the shit that everyone goes through at one point or another and you can find a story of “inspiration” in the person closest to you right now and everyone you pass on the street. Everyone has their own mountains to climb in their life and I’m glad I got to climb some of mine literally before figuratively. Right now I’m at the base camp of Everest and maybe someday I’ll feel comfortable being called an inspiration when I’m standing on top. For now I’m just trying the best I can to be the same Riley I was before my injury, before moving to a place where no one really knows me, before I lost the most important part of what has molded me into who I am… traveling the world with great friends, making films, being fortunate enough to see places most people will never see and do things most people will never do. I will miss all those things but the most important things that I have left are my friends from every stage of life and for you all I’m going to keep climbing.

I really truly appreciate all the ongoing support and I pull from it every day as strength to move forward, never backward and always up.

Riley

49 Responses to “Never backwards always up…”

  1. Your honesty is inspiring, even if that word makes you cringe. When more people are honest about what they/we are going through, we will sooner come to the realization we are all one. We will recognize the universal essence that flows through us all.

    Thank you, Ri, for your honesty, your integrity; your willingness to dig deep then share and, thus, inspire us to do the same.

    Love you,

  2. Ian Fohrman says:

    Your last paragraph reminded me of a good quote I came across lately.

    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”. – Plato.

    Always helps to think of when I get frustrated with someone or find myself judging in one way or another.

    We need to catch up soon. I think you tagged me last (which I really appreciate knowing that it’s a struggle to get back to everyone).

    Continuing to do my best to send good vibes your way!

  3. shaun says:

    Hi mate. I don’t kneo you and you have never heard me me. But I came across your blog and have been reading it all night. Just want to say you sound like an amazing man. I am gutter to have read about what had happened to you and I sincerely hope that you are coping as best you can with all that comes with such a thing. Much respect, Shaun for England.

  4. Hi Riley,We have never met, but reading all of your writings I feel very close to you,You see my Father had MS for 36 years and in a chair for 25 years, My Mother being the strong person that she was, was there for him, And they would say everyone has there cross to bear. We had a very normal life. You see your Katrina is a Granddaughter of these two strong People. We call her Kati and she was the apple of her Grand mothers eye. You kids are always in our prays.Love and keep the Faith Aunt Barb and Uncle Tom

  5. Bernadette says:

    Riley- I do not remember why I was looking for your mom tonite, I look for every now and then but I am not very great on the Internet ! I tried Travis poor and up popped the multiple sites about you your film career etc then your accident. My heart dropped to read what happened to you. I know it’s late but I’ll send +energy your way. May I add you grew up to be a very handsome man. I miss your mom often she was my mentor and guide thru my tough water !! I know she must be a rock for you! Please send her my love and give her me email if you have time. I am in Texas just outside of Austin. I’d love to see any of you guys anytime if you are near. My guys are all grown up too 25,26,27, Cooper and Travis were in the same grade in CB. Hang tight, your now on my list of those I send special vibes to, I hope they help in some small wayBernadette used to be Bentley

  6. Riley,
    Hey man. I met you almost two years ago when you showed your ski movie at Craig. I was an inpatient. Anyhow, I have a solution to a couple of your current problems. It’s not inexpensive but it’s the best thing I’ve found for my adreline junkie self. It’s called a Polaris Rzr. It’s a UTV aka golf cart on steroids! Fuckin awesome and fast! I rigged mine with secure seating and hand controls. I can now get as far away from people as I did before and quickly. I get my adrenaline fix and get to see and experience so many places that most people never see. (much less chair bound).
    Anoher sport ive been getting into is quad rugby. I’m not sure if you live in the Denver area, but we’d love to have you come out and play with us if you’re around.
    Just a couple things to consider. Check out my blog Aspokinlife.com if you get a chance. I feel your pain bro- I’m a C5-6 and it’s no doubt a life changer but I’ve figured out a few things that have made it pretty exciting still.
    Be well,
    -Kirk

  7. Jason Murray says:

    Amazing post, Riley. I know you don’t really know me. We only spoke on email a few times when I was helping Ellie out at Nike but, like all 6.0 athletes and managers, you radiate energy. I admit, I have not been on your blog in while but it is truly great to see you are doing well and moving forward.

    I think of my own mental blocks and challenges and, you’re right, everyone has their mountains to climb, but it’s easy to lose perspective when you’re someone like me who has his health and can go and do physical things, but puts it off for another day. Reading about your life, in the short time you have been on this Earth, it seems that you have truly lived. It’s more than I can say so yes, you are an inspiration. Not only because of what you have been doing the last two years, but because of everything. It’s one of the things I miss about working with Nike 6.0 and Action Sports at Nike.

    Keep keeping on and hopefully someday we can meet in person. All the best to you and your family.

  8. Riley,
    I was standing in line in CB and Sam Lumb told me what happened to you. I immediately went on the internet to find out.
    Sorry, about everything, but love your spirit. Really love it. Love your family.
    William got married 2 weeks ago. I will get you their website for fun. His friend Travis from Oregon designed it. The Blodgett family, all of us, are thinking of you

  9. Chelsee Largo says:

    I sure love the way you write, Riley.
    :)

    ~Big polar bear hugs from AK~

  10. mud safety says:

    It costs considerably less than the Ford F550 mentioned above, and can do just about the same job.
    He always took in those that were new to the district or that might
    not be as privileged as he was. Wear heavy duty leather gloves
    to protect your hands from burrs.

  11. Thank you for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for
    your further post thank you once again.

  12. Thanks for your personal marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you happen to
    be a great author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and will come back in
    the future. I want to encourage continue your great job, have
    a nice holiday weekend!

  13. Hi there! Do youu know if they make any plugins
    to protect against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any suggestions?

    Vsit my homepage :: polaris parts list

  14. One or more projectors are used to process programs.
    We guarantee your satisfaction, and we’ll make your event special and memorable for an affordable
    price. But Alfredo’s death has released him
    from this promise.

    Here is my weblog; Grace de Monaco sous-titres français

  15. It’s very straightforward to find out any matter on net as compared to textbooks, as I found this paragraph at this
    website.

    My blog post; landscaping conroe tx

  16. Cell phones are Verizon wireless, AT&T, Running, T-Mobile
    as excavation as Nextel. it may cost a little more, but it will be well worth it.
    These crystals absorb the excess moisture in the
    air.

  17. An assignment to visit a bar, sample a beer, purchase a
    snack and check out the men’s cloakroom is not most women’s idea of a great shopping trip
    but getting paid to carry out such an assignment will sound like a good deal to many men. We guarantee your satisfaction,
    and we’ll make your event special and memorable
    for an affordable price. But Alfredo’s death has released him from this promise.

    Review my homepage The Baby bande annonce

  18. Compare and contrast your choices to decide what will work best for your room and budget.
    He, along with the other townspeople, watches the beautiful theater being demolished.
    Hence, the people are well educated and highly concerned about the development of the
    region and keenly look forward to make their lives always easy.

    Here is my weblog :: Barbecue sous-titres français

  19. coomaad.com says:

    No customer likes to be turned away from a business establishment because of the way they are dressed.
    Swimwear have come a long way and you don’t just get them in classic white’they are
    available in various cuts, style and colours. Jewel
    tones look beautiful on any skin tone, as they are rich
    in color and make complimentary tones pop.

  20. Hello there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic.
    Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?

    My site looks weird when viewing from my iphone. I’m trying to
    findd a tempplate or lugin that might be able to fix this issue.
    If you have any suggestions, please share. Thank you!

    My site … acne vulgaris symptoms

  21. EFF – efficiency, a one-room apartment EIK – eat-in-kitchen ELEC – electric ELEV – elevator EX $ – extra charge.

    Perhaps, a collective of people, who can live a “green” (as in earth friendly –
    not money hungry) lifestyle on the property, with a focus on
    developing skills in any of the arts, would be a wise use of such a
    rare piece of land, available in California.

    In any event, the buyer is advised to consider the arrangement’s full legal
    and financial ramifications before entering into any binding agreement.

  22. It’s really a nice and helpful piece of info.
    I am glad that you shared this helpful information with us.
    Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  23. hobbies says:

    whoah this blog is great i like reading your articles. Keep up the great work!
    You understand, lots of persons are searching around for this info, you could aid them greatly.

  24. Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer
    for your site. You have some really good articles and I believe I would
    be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link
    back to mine. Please blast me an e-mail if interested.
    Many thanks!

    my blog post :: ira savings account

  25. I am no longer positive where you’re getting your information, but great topic.
    I needs to spend some time studying much more or
    understanding more. Thank you for excellent information I was in search of this information for my mission.

    Look into my site :: cheap hotel deals halifax

  26. It’s really a great and useful piece of info. I’m
    satisfied that you just shared this useful info with
    us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

    Here is my homepage – 24 hour call answering Little Rock AR.

  27. Corina says:

    Pretty nice post. I jus stumbled upon your wblog and wished to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your
    blog posts. Afterr aall I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you wrie again very soon!

  28. roofing says:

    Piece of writing writing is also a fun, if you be familiar with after that you can write or else it is complicated to write.

    Feel free to surf to my page; roofing

  29. Thank you a lot for sharing this with all people you really recognize what you are
    talking about! Bookmarked. Please additionally seek
    advice from my site =). We could have a hyperlink trade arrangement
    among us

  30. Truly no matter if someone doesn’t be aware of after that its up too
    other visitors that they will help,so here it occurs.

  31. Jimmie says:

    Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful post.
    Thank you for providing these details.

    Feel free to visit my website celebrity plastic surgery before and after – Jimmie -

  32. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your site and in accession capital to assert that I get
    in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing
    to your augment and even I achievement you access
    consistently rapidly.

    my web-site; spot shot carpet cleaner reviews Victoria BC

  33. Boyd says:

    May I simply say what a comfort to discover somebody
    who genuinely understands what they are talking about on the net.
    You actually realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important.
    More and more people should read this and understand this side of your story.
    I was surprised you are not more popular because you definitely
    have the gift.

  34. Sunday law says:

    Hey there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with
    hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing a few months
    of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any solutions to
    stop hackers?

    Feel free to surf to my blog: Sunday law

  35. An assignment to visit a bar, sample a beer, purchase
    a snack and check out the men’s cloakroom
    is not most women’s idea of a great shopping trip but getting paid
    to carry out such an assignment will sound like a good deal to many men. The last thing
    you would want is to have your viewing dominated by an overlay large screen. Wine and
    beer is served on Saturdays and Sundays beginning when the Cinema opens
    its doors, which is generally at 11:30 a.

    Feel free to visit my blog Sin City j’ai tué pour elle fr

  36. Can I simply say what a relief to find somebody that genuinely knows what they’re discussing on the net.
    You definitely know how to bring a problem to light and make it important.
    More people need to look at this and understand this side of the story.
    I can’t believe you aren’t more popular since you definitely
    have the gift.

  37. It is really a nice and helpful piece of info. I’m satisfied that you simply shared this helpful info with us.
    Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

    Also visit my blog; cellulite factor program (http://www.heyduke.com)

  38. The availability of the ace contractors plumbing
    youtube person taking your call will ask for the price of
    electricity continues to go up to the bathroom.

  39. ira loans says:

    Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I seriously enjoyed reading it,
    you could be a great author. I will make certain to bookmark your blog and will often come
    back in the foreseeable future. I want to encourage yourself to continue your great posts, have a nice weekend!

    my page – ira loans

  40. It’s actually very complex in this busy life to listen news
    on Television, therefore I simply use internet for that purpose, and obtain the most recent information.

    Feeel free to visit my web-site: crown generator

  41. website says:

    Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favourite justification appeared to be at the
    internet the simplest factor to consider of. I say to you, I definitely get irked even as people consider worries that they plainly don’t
    recognize about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest as smartly as defined out the whole thing with no need side-effects ,
    other people could take a signal. Will probably be
    again to get more. Thanks

  42. clamouring says:

    Al no haber un nivel, un jugador pierde una vida, pero
    la vida se repone (es sin coste) después de 30
    minutos.

  43. Magnificent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend
    your site, how can i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal.
    I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

  44. You need to be a part of a contest for one of the
    greatest blogs online. I’m going to highly recommend this site!

  45. timberland espa…

    Never backwards always up… « Riley Poor’s Recovery Blog

  46. war games says:

    Excellent post. I’m facing many of these issues as well..

  47. It’s awesome to visit this website and reading the views of all
    colleagues on the topic of this piece of writing, while I am also keen of getting experience.

  48. Quinn says:

    Hello all, here every one is sharing such know-how,
    so it’s good to read this blog, and I used to visit this blog every day.

  49. Cleanse Renew Review

    Never backwards always up… « Riley Poor’s Recovery Blog

Leave a Reply